Monday, November 19, 2007

Mr. Whipple

WHERE? A supermarket anywhere

1970's Charmin spokesman Mr. Whipple

Isn’t it mind-boggling how products have changed over the years? Wendell is our grocery shopper, and he has discovered that picking the right product from the grocer’s shelf is so much more complicated than it once was. It seems that everyone has realized New and Improved is a catchy little phrase that promotes sales.

Poor Mr. Whipple

by Wendell

Poor Mr. Whipple, he came along about 25 years too early. You aren’t old enough to remember him? He was the grocer in a television commercial that got caught in the bath tissue aisle squeezing a certain well known brand. It’s just that the tissue was so soft he could not keep his hands off it. Just had to cuddle and feel its softness.

When Mr. Whipple was around there was only one type of tissue, one size roll, and one size package. To say that has changed would be an understatement as big as the Sears Tower is tall. Today that same well-known brand sells what they call Basic, Ultra Soft and Ultra Strong.

If Basic was the product that caused Mr. Whipple to take a stroll down the bath tissue aisle several times a day, it would be nearly impossible to keep him out of there now that Ultra Soft has been introduced. That leads us to Ultra Strong. Just its name makes one ask, “Are Basic and Ultra Soft strong enough to do their job without tearing apart?” (Don't answer that.)

Not only do they have their 3 different products, they have different sized rolls. The Regular Roll, and the Big Roll that has twice as many sheets than the regular roll. Then there is the Giant Roll that has 2½ times as many sheets as the regular roll. As the TV pitch man Billy Mays would say, “But wait, there's more!" There’s the Mega Roll that has 4 times as many sheets as the regular roll. Not only that, but these 3 different products and their 4 different sized rolls are packaged in rolls of 4, 12, 24, and 36. You do the math, and I think you'll agree that poor Mr. Whipple would be a very busy man if he were with us today.

Oh I almost forgot! There's a variety with lotion added for those sensitive parts of our bodies.


  1. Wendell having said all of this, it still does not explain why he came home with Fat Free Milk when he had intended to get Buttermilk.

  2. We call that a "Bella Vista Moment" here.

  3. The milk substitution simply means he wasn't paying enough attention. Happens to all of us now and then.